“I thought of this when I recently learned a victim of sexual predation at St. John’s Preparatory School recently took his life. I thought of this as I reflected on my own experience as a victim of sexual assault while at St. John’s Prep and how it took me 30 years before I could openly discuss my experience without fearing shame, remorse, guilt or reprisal.” – Maj John Donovan
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Saint Cloud Times: Opinion
We often hear about the crime of sexual abuse in the military or the Catholic Church. However, “sexual abuse” really doesn’t capture the gravity of the act. The term “sexual abuse” doesn’t, but “incest” does. Allow me to explain.
I was speaking recently to a victim of military sexual trauma. She had been raped when she was in the Marine Corps. She described the experience as incest.
“Why,” I asked?
She said because she had been indoctrinated to believe the Corps was her family. She was told to believe Marines were her brothers and sisters. Then her brothers raped her.
The parallels between this scenario and the scandal at St. John’s goes without saying. Students call a priest “father.” They are told they are part of a new community, a larger family. They live, dine, learn and recreate there. It is their spiritual and physical home.
So why is “incest” a more appropriate choice of word than “sexual abuse”?
Not only does the incest victim experience the trauma all sexual abuse victims experience, but the experience of having a loved one, someone trusted, someone respected, behave in such a deviant manner destroys the very fabric of the soul. It destroys the foundation of all meaningful relationships — trust.
The incest victim is torn between the disgust of the act and loyalty to the family or institution.
Very often, incest victims struggle with long-term, meaningful relationships. They struggle because their ability to trust has been so severely damaged or destroyed.
I thought of this when I recently learned a victim of sexual predation at St. John’s Preparatory School recently took his life.
I thought of this as I reflected on my own experience as a victim of sexual assault while at St. John’s Prep and how it took me 30 years before I could openly discuss my experience without fearing shame, remorse, guilt or reprisal.
Saint Cloud Times: Opinion
Major John Donovan from Big Lake, Minnesota
September 14, 2015
